Today I'm listening to the New Model Army. 

Family off the album Thunder and Consolation is my favourite of the day:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSNOegQnnJE

The morning part of the challenge didn't really happen today. I overslept, jumped straight into work and only looked up from the computer screen after noon. I tried to sing along to iTunes while I was working but the frog in my throat didn't take to that idea so I only got around to some serious song when I took a break and moved around a bit.

I can feel a lot of tension in my jaw today. And in my whole body. I've been in serious "get things done mode" since I woke up and that doesn't leave a lot of room for authentic vocal expression. Yesterday I could really feel the progress, although I my throat and shoulders started creeping together as soon as I stopped singing joyfully and started doing admin. If only I could get a doctors note for anything computer related. . . 

I'm feeling more open now, I'll keep at it. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Inspired by a post on Facebook I have decided to embark upon a 30 day singing challenge: to start each day singing and to see how it affects my life.

Over the past two months between the stress of moving, diet changes and the late nights out with the Macbeth cast my poor voice has taken a lot of abuse. I've been singing a lot less, too busy to make time for vocal exercises, choking back emotions and sleeping in a newly painted room. I must admit part of me has been morbidly fascinated with the different ways these circumstances have been affecting my sound, but the experiment is over and the time has come to get back on track.

Yesterday I was talking aloud to myself in the car (like you do) and I finally (unexpectedly) let out a flood of tears I didn't even know that I had been holding back. As I spoke I could hear my throat open and relax and it hit me just how long it's been since I've taken the time to nourish this part of my life.

And so the 30 day challenge begins. My voice takes time to wake up in the morning and right now due to the high emotion of the last month I can only really access my lower register anyway, so I will be taking it slowly and gently. 

When I woke up this morning I had the sun on my face and this song in my head. If I bump it down an octave it meets me exactly where I'm at. 

I'd only ever heard Kirsty Maccoll's "He's on the Beach" on mp3 before, but I looked up the video for this post. It's quite different from how I imagined it, probably because I can't imagine anything more joyful than a life on the beach. Every time I hear it I swear I can smell the ocean. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EV5pNowizQ 

Want a real cure for the hiccoughs?

There are many myths about how to cure the hiccoughs, from getting a fright to drinking water upside-down, but most of them are more amusing than helpful.

Hiccoughs are caused by a spasm in your diaphragm, the muscle that helps you breathe in and out. This breath control exercise will bring conscious energy into that muscle and so calm the spasm. It works every time.

You may not be able to isolate your diaphragm exactly. That's OK. The trick is to use the muscles in your diaphragm, solarplexis and belly as mindfully as possible. Remember: this is a control exercise, specifically designed to calm nerves or a fluttery diaphragm, it is not to be used in performance or as part of your practice towards free, relaxed sound.

As evenly and measuredly as you can:
(Using the muscles in your diaphragm, solarplexis and belly to breathe, not your shoulders or your throat!)
1. Breathe in for 5 counts
2. Hold the breath inside you for 3 counts
3. Breathe out for 10 counts on a fricative.
A fricative is a consonant sounds that creates friction as the air escapes. “Ffffff” is the best for being inconspicuous, for example when you have an attack of hiccoughs in a job interview or on a crowded train, but “Sssss”, “Thhh”, “Zzzz” and “Jjjjj” will work just as well.

Repeat steps 1 through 3 without stopping five times. For extreme cases you may need to repeat the steps up to ten times. It won't work if you're multitasking, you will need to put all of your attention on your breath. In most cases 3 to 5 breaths will have you hiccough-free! :)

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We've all heard of emotional eating. I certainly am no stranger to the practice, but I've noticed something interesting about my relationship to food and how I use it to suppress what I'm feeling.

We usually associate emotional eating with negative emotions, a way to feel less pain, loneliness, sadness etc. But I have noticed that these days I use food to suppress my positive emotions as much or even more than the negative ones!

Most actors won't eat before a performance, because of nerves usually. My habit was to always eat before a performance in order to suppress the nerves. But nerves aren't just fear, they're excitement and energy too. By suppressing the nerves I am calmer, but I am also suppressing every other emotion! Which obviously is not the best idea as an actor. Suppression is not selective, the numbness is all encompassing. In 2013 I experimented with acting on an empty stomach and yes, I felt the nerves more and I had to work a little harder on grounding my energy, but I was also more connected to my body. 

I use food to suppress joy, excitement and energy in order to keep myself working. I don't like sitting at a computer, I'd rather be up and running around doing stuff, riding my excitement and enthusiasm like a drug. But that admin needs to get done. Blog posts need to be written. And I have no self-discipline. So instead there is always something to nibble on next to my computer, something to keep me numb enough to concentrate on the task at hand. 

I recognize that is an unhealthy habit and after flirting with the idea in 2013, my 2014 resolution is to stop using food as a crutch: to stop suppressing my excitement and my fear, my joy and my sorrow. I imagine I will be less focussed, less productive, less present and less balanced for a little while as I adjust, but I trust I will find a new, more intense focus, a deeper grounded presence and a better relationship with my nervous and excited energy on the other side. What's your healthy habit resolution?

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I think all actors do their fair share of naval gazing, it is essential to know yourself if you are going to inhabit other people on a regular basis.

I am currently working with a Women's Empowerment Coach (www.abrelynmalapad.com - she's awesome!) to help me work though some of the emotional stuff that is limiting me in my business. Today we had a conversation that reminded me how powerful an outside perspective can be. 

Actors work from instinct and even what we learn intellectually, we turn into instinct so we don't need to think about it when we're performing. Thinking takes you out of the moment. Which is great! Except that when something becomes automatic we stop knowing that we know it. And that means we need someone else to remind us. As much for our own self-esteem as for a little perspective. 

A lot of these instincts are important life-skills (Which is another reason I'm looking at this right now, as the Corporate Workshop reaches the Beta Testing Phase.) I am often amazed at how many things I take for granted as an actor that I wish I could do in my everyday life. I just don't make the connection because I don't realize that I know how to do it in the first place. This might be part of why actors get so superstitious, we pretty much train ourselves to forget what we've learned and then when we are successful, we our chalk it up to talent, luck or extenuating circumstances. 

Every time I hear a past director or acting teacher in my head, I make a mental note. But I think it's time to formally list all of the skills I've picked up over the years that I bundle under "theatre craft" and own them Then perhaps I can apply them to the world stage. 

What life-skills has acting taught you that you don't acknowledge?

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It's my birthday! You know what that means? Birthday giveaway time!

We all know that things like habitual tension are more than just physical. It's a committed emotional relationship. We grow attached to our old ways. Like an unhealthy romance we just don't want to end because we have so much HISTORY. Am I right?

So here's a fun exercise: let's take the metaphor to a whole new level. . .

Step 1. Write a break up letter to your tension. Tell your aches and pains and muscular tightness and stress that you are leaving them for a new love: an open relaxed body! Take the exercise as far as you can. Why did you start the relationship to begin with? What were you expecting? What did it turn out to be in reality? What do you get out of it? (Be honest, there's a reason you're still together.) What memories and parts of yourself have you attached to this relationship that you are scared you'll lose when you admit that it's over? How are you realizing now that this is destructive and stopping you from being who you really want to be? Have your friends commented? Is an intervention necessary? Personify your tension, tell it how it makes you feel. Then gently, but firmly, let it know you are moving on to a healthier you.

Step 2: Write a letter to yourself to strengthen your resolve. How will your life be better with your new flame? Do you need support from your friends? - Ask them! How about a new regimen? Dream about what life will be like when you are free.

Write it and mean it. Even mail it to yourself to make it more official. 

Step 3: Stick by what you've said. Implement your new habits and cut those ties for good. It's a process, it takes time, you'll have days when you want to run back and beg forgiveness. But you know this is best. Be strong. Pamper yourself and commit to a healthier, happier you. :)

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So the Vancouver International Fringe Festival is over for this year. I'm sad, but it's given me a lot to think about. There were some amazing (and some misused) voices this fringe. Here are some of my observations and tips from the last few weeks:

Voice is a huge part of character development. In "regular theatre" where an actor is only playing one role it's not so obvious, but in Fringe, where very often actors are playing multiple characters, it becomes increasingly important. I'm not talking about accents or funny voices, I'm talking about physically internalizing the character. It's essential. When actors use external indicators like costume to differentiate between characters it can be helpful to the audience, but if the actor doesn't believe the change, the characters all blend together despite the best intentioned visual cues. 

The other thing is articulation. Young and inexperienced actors excited about singing or doing accents can forget about diction in their enthusiasm. All that energy is wasted if I can't work out what you're saying. 

I have to mention Kitt and Jane by SNAFU Dance Theatre. Aside from the fact that I think this show was beyond awesome in a million other ways, it's pretty awesome vocally too. Ingrid Hansen is inspiring as the plucky Kitt and has a gorgeous(!) singing voice, but what really impressed me was Rod Peter Jr. as Jane. His thin, bright character voice was so solid that I was not expecting such a rich and resonant one when he opened his mouth after curtain call. Such an intelligent and healthy choice, directing his voice through his cheekbones and facial mask adding a thin, "weedy" quality without loosing any of his projective range. They could hear him in the back just fine even though it felt psychologically like his voice would disappear into himself at any second. Coupled with his introverted posture, the voice completely sealed the illusion. And by altering the direction of his voice instead of up-pitching, and keeping the breath deep and connected, there's no damage done so he can keep doing it night after night! I was very impressed. Might steal that trick myself some day. . . 

Some great examples of multiple characters done really well were Paul Cosentino in Bad Connections? (also an AWESOME script by the way, written by Michael Levesque) and Andrew Bailey in The Adversary (which he also wrote, fit him like a glove). There were a LOT of shows in the Fringe and I didn't even see half of them, so this isn't a definitive list, just a sample of what impressed me on a purely vocal level.

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I've been sick with the same cold everyone else in Vancouver has had these last few weeks. And I've always heard that coughing was bad for your voice, and I kinda believed it, I mean it makes sense, but it's never really stopped me before. This time I felt it.

Owee! One cough too early in the stages of my cold and I felt like I shouldn't talk for the rest of the day! So please, if you're sick like so many other people are during the change of seasons. Please don't cough. Hum. Be patient. Endure the tickle. It's not worth it. Your voice will thank you.

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I was explaining to my friend Ashley (who isn’t an actor) how it feels in those moments in the wings before I step on stage. It’s hard to explain how time slows, how I breathe in magic from the air and relax into a state of present focus. No matter how little sleep I have had over the rehearsal process I feel a bottomless well of inspiration, energy, enthusiasm and fight open up below my feet and I know it will be there as long as I need it. I feel more alive than I’ve ever felt and I know that I can give my scene partner everything that I’ve got to the very last drop.

Ashley casually asked why it is I don’t approach the rest of my life that way.

The question floored me. I didn't have an answer for him at the time. It had never even occurred to me that I could apply the same principles of joy, focus and energy to my real-life goals! But why not? What other opportunities have I been passing up because I had forgotten that all the world is a stage?

Recently I have been working a lot. Long days with little sleep. At first it was difficult and a few weeks in I could feel my energy waning. I could feel the familiar shaky, over-worked, stressed out feeling that I associate with approaching burn-out. Failure and despair were imminent and I was very ready to give up and crawl into
a hole somewhere. But Ashley’s question kept nibbling away at my consciousness. 

Actors: Do you know that feeling when you've worked hard all day, every day for ages? You’ve voluntarily put yourself through the emotional wringer and you keep coming back for more and at the end of each day you're just wreaked. I know I’m doing my job right when it feels like I’ve lived out every possible emotion in the whole of human history in one afternoon; my body and your soul are raw and I have no idea what I‘m doing, nor who I am or how I feel because I left everything I had up there on the stage.

You get where this is going? The body sore, frustrated to tears, utterly lost and alone burn-out feeling I get from pushing myself in my life is the same feeling! The only difference is that in my life I expect to have the answers. I want to see the product and feel like I’m composed and in control. So. If I can surrender and trust the process on stage and in an acting class and LOVE it, in theory I can do the same with my life. 

I’ve been pushing for a few months now. The exhaustion and the drive come and go. I’m not yet at the point where I’m approaching my life with the vigorous joyful surrender as I do a performance, but I have moments. The muscle memory is building,

I’m looking forward to waking up one morning, putting my feet on the floor and seeing that limitless well of inspiration, energy, fight and enthusiasm open up before my feet and knowing that it will be there as long as I need it to be.

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